WALL-E Likely Successor to Jerry Yang, Sources Say

WALL-E, the fictional robot from the 2008 Pixar film, is being closely considered for the position of Yahoo CEO, a source close to the matter has revealed.

The news follows Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang’s announcement of his resignation Monday. Yang — who led the company as it rejected Microsoft’s $33-a-share buyout offer, then saw its value drop to less than a third of that amount — said he would step down as soon as the board of directors was able to find a successor.

Initial speculation suggested former executives from AOL, Microsoft, or even Google could get the job. However, being that recent estimates indicate Yahoo has only $37.64 remaining in its corporate account, the odds of any accomplished and qualified CEO accepting an offer are becoming increasingly unlikely, insiders say.

“They went through the list of every possible person who could become CEO, but they all wanted more than $37.64 as an annual salary,” an anonymous tipster points out. “Plus, everyone knows Yahoo is either going to get sold or just completely shut down within a year, so no one in their right mind would take the gig.”

WALL-E, the source explains, stood out because he doesn’t actually have a mind. His experience cleaning up destroyed planets is also said to have impressed the board.

“He’s the obvious pick,” the source claims. “Anyway, he can’t do any worse than the last guy. Even if all he does is make some random robot noises, it’ll be a step up.”

Yahoo’s board is expected to conduct a thorough “search process” for appearance’s sake before WALL-E is officially offered the position.