Normal dating may have its downsides, but at least you don’t regularly encounter crazy wenches who duct tape their dogs to your bathtub…then threaten you with BBs. That’s just the pickle one guy found himself facing when he made the mistake of trying to score from the depths of the virtual dimension.

Let me set the scene for you, as police describe it: Kimberly meets Mark* in the Second Life virtual world. The two begin “cyber-dating,” during which time we can only assume Kimberly did not show Mark her real photo. They eventually agree to meet. Immediately after, Mark ends their “relationship.”

Fast forward several months. Kimberly, torn to pieces by the loss of her “boyfriend,” decides to go apeshit (to use the technical term). She finds Mark’s workplace — a good 600 miles and four states away from her home, mind you — and tries to kidnap him. She does not succeed.

Two weeks go by. Kimberly decides to turn the psycho-knob up a few more notches. She spends four days seeking out Mark’s home, then breaks in — carrying with her a set of handcuffs, some duct tape, a Taser, a BB gun, and her dog. She inexplicably decides to duct tape the dog to the bathtub, then waits for Mark to get home. He senses something is amiss upon his arrival and calls police. Kimberly is arrested.

The moral of the story: While in some cases technology aids evolution, in others, it gets in the way. Some members of the species simply should not be engaging in any form of the mating ritual. Virtual worlds mask this otherwise obvious designation.

So, if you must utilize the virtual world…for the love of humanity, keep your habits within it. Do not under any circumstances try to spread your cyberseductions into real life. As the case of Kimberly and Mark demonstrates, attempting to get in the downtheres of a downright deranged dame will most certainly end in disaster.

* The man’s name has been changed with the goal of protecting his identity.
The woman’s name has not been changed with the hopes of exposing hers.

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