Google’s Gmail service has suffered two significant outages within the past week — first, with a 15-hour partial fail last Wednesday, then again with some widespread downtime this past Monday. We decided to find out what’s really going on.

With that, we proudly present to you the Top 10 Reasons Gmail’s Gone Wacky. Prepare yourself.

10. Some kids having cybersex in Lively accidentally knocked the plug out of the wall.

9. Sergey and Larry were too busy Twittering each other about the fact that Gmail was down to promptly fix the problem.

8. Too many negative e-mails being sent by journalists in Beijing; Chinese government had to do something.

7. All Google resources got tied up tracking users.

6. New “opt out” option for DoubleClick accidentally linked to “shut down” command on Gmail instead.

5. Jerry Yang hired some guys at DEFCON; finally getting revenge.

4. Instructions for fixing Gmail were encrypted by KeyCzar; no one’s figured out how to use that damn thing yet.

3. “How to Keep Gmail From Crashing” article not yet written on Knol.

2. Simple staff member misunderstanding: “Wait a minute… I thought you had to ‘go down’ to succeed in Silicon Valley?”

1. Four words: Steve Jobs, kill-switch.

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