TechSex: Love Advice From Dr. Dorkus

With the influx of tech-related romantic counsel lately, we decided it was time to hire our own modern love guru to handle TechCult’s amorous affairs. Say hello to Dr. Dorkus.

dorkusGreetings, greetings, kind audience members of the world wide webbages! I’m both honored and aroused to be bringing you all the latest tech-tinged developments in the stimulating world of sexual congress.

Our newest nookie news comes in the form of auto technology — not auto-erotica, mind you, but auto-mobiles. A company fittingly named Hiscox (!) wanted to end the argument as to whether expensive cars really revved up ladies’ engines more than their cost-effective counterparts. I can now scientifically confirm to you that a fancy set of tail lights will, in fact, get you more tail.

The most titillating part of this tale, though, is that the gals don’t even need to see your hot rod to get their engine fluid flowing. The sound of your motor running is enough to send them into overdrive.

The company had people listen to the sounds of luxury cars like Lamborghinis while measuring their physiological levels of arousal, then did the same thing with the sounds of more modest models like the VW Polo. Sure enough, the levels of lust shot through the roof with the expensive editions and stayed low with the Polo. Sheesh…talk about aural pleasure!

But ladies, don’t lose hope: The magic works both ways. Yes, even the men’s pistons were popping from the sounds of Lady Lamborghini. Is your emergency brake on, or are you just happy to see me?!

So, Dr. Dorkus’s prescription for the day: Grab a date, go test drive a fancy car, and see what happens. Just make sure you put some plastic down on the seats, or all the pleasurable sounds in the world won’t make up for the bill the dealer will hand you. Now, that’s what I call dirty money! ZING!

Being a geek may be part of your duty,
But that doesn’t mean you can’t score lots of booty.
Take the doctor’s advice and when shove comes to push,
At the end of the day, you’ll be grabbing a tush.

Until next time,