Sony CEO Demands Immediate Psychiatric Help

In what can only be a desperate cry for help, Sony CEO Howard Stringer described the Wii as an “expensive niche” console in full public view. The alternatives, that either he believes that or he expects us to, are too pathetically tragic to contemplate.

Sony has been making a big deal of the Wii’s slackening sales in the last year, trying to paint it as the sign of a flagging product – as opposed to a sign that everyone in the entire world already has one. Otherwise known as “total market domination”, the kind of thing Sony routinely attempts with hype and horrifically proprietary technology, which Nintendo unfairly acquired by “inventing something everyone actually wants.” If the Wii is a niche product, the PS3 is a goddamn trade secret, having sold only half as many.

Expensive? With a console launch price at six hundred dollars Sony should think twice before calling a Faberge Egg expensive, let alone the cheapest console on the market. Never mind pots and kettles: this is like the PS3 calling the Wii black, and about as accurate.

But even a stopped clock is right twice a day; Stringer hit the nail on the head with “I don’t see the Wii as a competitor.” He’s right, the PS3 isn’t even remotely competing with the Wii. Protip, Stringer: When the single notable title in your entire catalogue was only released last month, you might want to go easy on the tough-talk.