Here’s one you might not expect: Internet users over the age of 70 are the most likely to check their e-mail regularly and send quick replies, according to a new study from the University of Southern California.

USC’s Annenberg School Center for the Digital Future found older users preferred e-mail replies “as soon as possible” or “within one day,” while younger users weren’t as concerned with the time factor. The researchers also found people in the 70+ age group were watching their e-mail as closely as or more closely than the younger age groups.

Now, we’re happy to introduce TechCult Special Correspondent Bernard Faigenblatt, who has drafted up a special explanation for us. Bernard, the floor is yours.

Top 10 Reasons Why Older Users Are More Focused On Timely E-Mailing

By Bernard Faigenblatt
TechCult Special Correspondent

10. We’ve gotta wrap up our correspondences before Bennigan’s 4:30 p.m. Early Bird Special.

9. Half the time, we’re not actually even checking our e-mail; we’re just sleeping at the monitor.

8. It’s easy to lose focus and forget what we’ve written so far.

7. Delayed responses make us CRANKY. So does cold soup. Damned delicatessen.

6. It’s easy to lose focus and forget what we’ve written so far.

5. We have to leave a two hour window to translate all those cotton pickin’ acronyms and emoticons you kids are sending.

4. The daily drive to the pharmacy takes four to six hours, so e-mail has to be finished early. You blasted speed demons just don’t get it.

3. Lots of Viagra spam ads to go through — no time to waste.

2. Depends.

1. What the hell is e-mail, anyway?

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