Male Gamers Finish Faster Than Women

male gamersSome new research suggests gamers are slightly fitter than you’d think — but also crazy as bats and lacking in stamina.

The study, from the University of Southern California, found adults who play lots of computer games have average body mass indexes of 25.2, or “moderately overweight.” You have to look at it on a relative scale, though: Compared to the overall average American BMI of 28 — or “total fat-ass,” to use the scientific term — it’s not that bad.

As for activity, the researchers say the typical gamer gets “vigorous exercise” at least twice a week. (We can only assume they’re talking about masturbation.) And get this: It turns out female gamers typically last longer than the men. Wouldn’t be the first area where that’s happened.

Finally, the mental picture: Regular game players, the study says, have higher rates of depression and substance abuse than non-game players. Well, duh…what do you expect for a bunch of moderately overweight dudes who whack it twice a week and can’t last as long as the ladies?

Don’t despair, though, dear players; it’s not all bad news. Sure, real-life relations may bring you disappointment. But take comfort in the fact that when it comes to gaming, your hand is on one joystick that will never let you down.