Jerry Yang = The Desperate Single Girl of the Web 2.0 World

I’ve finally realized what the problem is with Jerry Yang: He is the desperate single girl of the Web 2.0 world. And, as we all know, the desperate single girl is destined to remain single — and, most notably, oblivious to the fact that her very desperation and disconnection with reality are the real causes of her ongoing woes.

Yang, the “Chief Yahoo”-turned-CEO of Yahoo, had kept his weepy failures quiet for a while. It was nice, after the neverending string of dim-witted decisions and grandstanding we all had to witness for most of the summer. But this week, Yang sent more unrequited love to the entity that, no matter how hard he tries, won’t take him seriously. (It’s no coincidence that we wrote about the past Microsoft-Yahoo courtship as a romance. We’re just now realizing, though, that Yang his gang of yahoos are the girl who can never get the guy, will never win, and will never realize that they are their own problem.)

At a tech conference in San Francisco, Yang said the following on Wednesday:

“To this day, I have to say that the best thing for Microsoft to do is buy Yahoo. At the right price, whatever the price is, we are willing to sell the company.”

This is the same guy, remember, who turned down Microsoft’s past offers — and, in doing so, made an ass of himself time and time again. His new plea is drawing laughter across the tech and business industries, and it’s not hard to see why. He is exactly like that annoying girl you hit on one night when you were really drunk and feeling desperate yourself. She couldn’t decide whether to go through with it. You wised up and moved on — and now, she won’t leave you alone.

Jerry Yang, do us all a favor, and do what you should have done months ago: RESIGN. Wake up and see what the rest of the world sees. Your company is failing. You are failing. We know you built this company from the ground up, but it’s become far bigger than that now. Investors are depending on its success, and you have consistently demonstrated that you are not able to deliver it.

Take a lesson from that other Jerry, Mr. Yang, and learn the value of “going out on top.” It may be too late for you, but at least go out without embarrassing yourself any further. Please…we beg of you. Read any news story, anywhere. The entire world cannot be wrong.