Google’s Universe Domination: What’s Next?

Google’s gaining new ground in what can only be described as a mission to control the universe. Not that I’m complaining — almost everything those guys touch turns to gold, and I use more services from them than from any other single company.

So you can imagine that I was pretty stoked to learn that Google signed a 40-year lease with NASA’s Ames Research Center this morning. The G-Team will build a massive, high-tech development center at the California space mecca — a deal that’ll cost a handsome $3.66 million a year in rental fees alone. Sheesh, and I thought my apartment was expensive.

It’s just the latest step in a growing partnership between the two tech giants. Google has already helped NASA develop its Planetary Context system — the one that resulted in cooler-than-ever Google Earth images and closer-than-a-Mach3-shave Google Moon views — as well as a handful of other advances, including software to help with global disaster response.

It all got me thinking: Is there anything these chaps can’t do? They’ve revolutionized search, packed more power than ever into e-mail, put control of our medical records back into our hands…and the list goes on.

So I spent some time brainstorming other areas I’d like to see Google make its move. See if you agree. Oh, and Sergey — if you try any of these, I expect a decent cut.

Google Airlines
Can you imagine how much less flying would suck if Google were running the airline? You’d get a built-in net-ready laptop in every seat, courtesy satellite cell access, and probably some pretty nice snacks, too. So long, United.

Google Grocery
Shopping would never be the same. I envision an integrated list-generating function in Google search that’d let you point, click, and bag before you even left the house. Then it’d just be a few minutes to drive up, flash your ID, and pick up your stuff.

Google Theme Park
Screw those Disney lines. If anyone can find a way to fix the hassles of the theme park, it’s going to be Google. Maybe they could build some handheld real-time crowd indicators that let you get in virtual line. Yeah, yeah, I know Disney has that Fastpass thing. But I’m talking about a high-tech alternative, and one that won’t break the bank, either.

Google Gym
Working out would be far less of a chore with Google running the place. I’d like to think they could find a way to keep me buff without the effort — and maybe with an increased number of scantily clad ladies on the treadmills — but I may be reaching too far here.

Google Girlfriend
Speaking of reaching too far, if these fellas could find a way to somehow index and spruce up some things in the female department, I’d be much obliged. Now, I’m not necessarily talking the intimate part of the equation — let’s not go there — but just think: a way to search for the real meaning behind any mysterious female statement. A translate feature for the abstract, emotional claims that just don’t register in the male mind. A Google Alert for any times that you might want to just, uh, stay away. Call me crazy, ladies, but you know your dude would totally sign up.

There’s my list — feel free to add your own suggestions. Hey, it can’t hurt to try. Then, we can all just sit back, relax, and wait for Google to make us millions. *

* Disclaimer: By “us,” I mean “me.” I’m totally going to take credit for all your ideas. Sucker.