Celebrity MySpace Secrets Exposed

Bad news, scandal fans: MySpace has apparently fixed a security flaw that let you see anyone’s private information from outside the site. A computer tech from Canada publicized the loophole on Valleywag this morning, using Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to demonstrate the, er, easy backdoor access (a concept quite familiar to both ladies).

But alas, the bug’s been fixed, and the secrets are back under wraps. Fear not, though, dear TechCulters, for I surfed far and wide and spent hours documenting all the slipped data. So now, without further adieu, I bring you the Top Five Celebrity MySpace Secrets You Weren’t Supposed To Know:

5. Sarah Jessica Parker is an alien.
Sorry, Sex and the City fans, but it’s true. I was able to access her personal photos and confirm it. I mean, I always knew she was the strangest looking “person” I’d ever seen, but the pictures of her on various planets with odd forms of extraterrestrial life explain a lot.

4. That girl from The Hills? She’s a guy.
Yeah, this one was a shocker to me, too. Just be glad you didn’t have to see the photos.

3. Mel Gibson kills puppies (and non-Christians).
Like we needed proof. But seriously, this dude’s MySpace page has some disturbing stuff. I hope he doesn’t find this article.

2. Puff Daddy is actually a puppet.
Believe me; I saw the strings and the creepy old guy with his hand inside. Here we thought Puffy (or Diddy, or P. Diddy, or whatever the hell they’re calling him these days) just ripped off other people’s hits and made lots of money off them. Turns out, he’s not even the one doing the mooching. Kinda makes sense.

1. John Mayer is gay.
Once again, be happy you didn’t see the photos. Poor little David Archuletta.

Ah, the things you can find out through private MySpaces pages. Always amazing.

On a slightly more serious note, the pictures actually leaked this morning did lead to intense media speculation on two never-before-suspected thoughts: Lindsay Lohan has a drinking problem, and Paris Hilton is a total slut. Damn MySpace security slip. Those two have protected their privacy so well, and now one little loophole lets all their secrets out into the open.